Yesterday, I finally met her during the break fast occasion. She looks healthy but thin and pale. I have the urge to go and talk to her. But I waited until we finished eating, eventually she came to our table and we chatted. She is my husband colleague, and quite close to me (considering we’ve known each other since the company started with 10 employees). When she talks she sometimes quietly looks down at my tummy. And last night she told me all about what happen 6 weeks ago...
Yes, six weeks ago Reena lost her baby. Her pregnancy and mine is actually same in terms. Reena was supposed to deliver her baby on 11th February and my EDD on 8th February 2008. We last met when we’re 10 weeks pregnant, and she looks fine. Later my husband told me Reena was admitted to hospital few times due to dehydration. And during her 18 weeks of pregnancy her bleeding became worst...and the doctor advised her to ‘let go’ the baby. Because it’s either harmful to her or the baby. And she had to force abortion (miscarriage) her baby.
I am sad for her, first time my hubby told me about it. I was shaking; I couldn’t even think to say anything. (memula marah gak kat papa, tgh2 beli makanan kat pasar malam bgtahu news camtu. Terus tak lalu nk beli apa-apa. Nak jalan pun rasa tak larat).
Other than sadness I felt for Reena, most my concern is that she has waited for 4 years for the baby. Reena already has a boy named Harish, who is cheeky and smart. Reena told me Harish cried when he saw his lifeless sister. The baby borne physically complete. You can see her well formed gender, ear, hand and everything. In fact she still alive for few minutes after she was borne.
I have a few other friends and relatives like Reena. Who has waited for like years to conceive another baby, who has never yet has a baby, having trouble conceiving and all the difficulties. I am sad for them but I can’t say I understand how they felt. I have never been in their shoes. I could never tell them ‘I understand how you feel’. But I sincere has my sympathy for them, and if I have a way to help. I hope I can help.
Two months ago, Ezy ..my best friend cried over the phone. I tried to console her and tell her that at least she already has a child. Aqil Fathi was borne a year before Dina. And since then Ezy has been waiting to get pregnant again. But to no avail. Trying to console her is like pushing the wrong button. She cried telling me how Aqil constantly asked for a baby sister or brother. Aqil is going to be five next year. Ezy feels like she’s been waiting like forever. Yes, she did go for homeopathy treatment, and is planning to meet a gynae. And again, I pushed a wrong button when I said at least you have Aqil. Ezy told me that’s what everyone been trying to tell her. But she feels down, especially when other relatives accuse her of trying not to get pregnant, they even accuse her of taking contraceptive, and some even cruelly said she’s infertile.
How could they.. I just don’t understand how some people can be so cruel, so harsh towards other human being. And I just don’t understand how some people can ask question like, for example ‘ when are you going to have baby?’ ..’when are you going to have another baby?’ .. ‘when are you going to get married?’. All these question for me is totally irrelevant. Aren’t those are things that only God knows? How come you know an answer to the question that only God know the answers. Human can only planned, hope n pray, worked hard…wait n see. Sometimes I just felt that you should ask this type of people,this question.. ‘Do you know when you’re going to die?’
And I have a long list of friend who has problem conceiving. My bestfriend, a colleague, my cousins, my sister in law, my long-time-no-see friend and the list go on. Usually when I met them and I see no changes, or I noticed that they come to occasion with husband only. I don’t dare ask. But I have to admit, for a few close friend, colleague, sister in law (who has never mind sharing how she felt about the whole situation) .. I did sometimes ask them politely, just to see if I can be a help. I just hope they don’t mind, it’s just that I care. And I pray for them…InsyaAllah..the baby will come along somehow.
Note : Last night when papa asked me what Reena n I chatted about, I took the opportunity to say this to papa. ‘tengok la betapa susah nya org nak dapatkan zuriat, dan tuhan bg kita semudah-mudahnya dapat zuriat. Mama harap sedikit susah payah, tak de duit belanja, ujian-ujian lain tu, kita tak yah la mengeluh…’ . I do believe everyone has their fair share of difficulties in life. Wallahuaklam..